Out of the blue

Looking and reading on some peoples' blogs today rises few thoughts in my mind. A lot of question marks which have been buried for quite some times (or almost forgotten) now come back to me seeking for the answers. ????? Or should I say I'm a bit confused now? Totally!
What does this life meant actually for me? Is it just by getting up from bed after having sweet dreams or nightmares, then go to bathe and the next thing is rushing to put on new outfit, some make up and rush to the 'driver' which is occasionally waiting for me in front of my house? How about the other part of my life who loves to read and float away in my own dreams? (Not to mention dreaming of falling in love again with somekind of charming heroes from Japan or Korea. Yummy! -- though I actually have one of my own already; my sweet abang.)
I have never write in English at my blog due to the lack of confidence and eagerness to write in this language. The first thing that across my mind is that : Can I really write it? Am I that good? I used to read my roommate's writing, and it was so damn good! With right grammar and big words that I don't really understand what its mean. A person like me who usually does not show off my talent (if only I have) and always have the feeling of being underistimated (I wonder by who?) wouldn't dare to answer the challenge. But.. sometimes, once in a while I would give out a try. Just ensure that I have some 'bushes' covering me up from other peoples' attentions. The word underground perfectly matches me.
Writing about heart and feeling will surely makes you feel like : What the hell is she mumbling about? Bla...bla... bla... So boring until you can finally solve your insomnia problem; spontaneously fall asleep while reading all these nonsenses. What I want to say is just that I have a lot of dreams which I haven't achieve and I don't have the answers to those dreams. I want to accomplish by turning all these dreams into realities but nevertheless I am stucked in my own boring world. I want to run but if I ever do that what would happen to the other things in my life which are my responsibilities? I cannot just leave my family here, leave my job, leave my love life for the sake of my ambitions. My life is bound to them.
That doesn't mean that I hate my life now. Well, actually, it is even better now than before. Previously it was like a nightmare. And of course a horrible one! There are a lot of considerations to be taken if you are in between of something and trying to figure out which is the best for you. Only God knows when all these will be resolved. And of course, things don't just come rolling to you without an effort!
** Macam tak caye je aku tulis benda-benda cam ni. Huhuhu!!!